thank you

You didn't know how much this costs
For you to be livin' like that,
We used to be so amused and laughin',
Now I'm forced to see through you.

It never is plain and healthy
Since you've left, everything's cold
Even my tea that needs to be hot.
Give me something to ponder upon.

redemption song

I don't know how to write You a love song 'coz all it says is "it hurts"
Before You took my heart it was just a piece of organ,
But now it's providing life for all of us.
I don't know how to give you wisdom 'coz all You are is intelligent.
Before you took my soul it was just a floating spirit,
But now it's carelessly making us flutter through eternity.

I'm now here, here with You moving mountains,
Chasing the sunset out of some place we don't know.
This freedom I know is in fruitition
Let's not waste every beating heart.
For I know it only beats for you, Jesus.

Time is slowly ticking, we're growing fast.
No one knows why we live--are we still alive?
Taking the steps is making a way for lost ones
Why do we hesitate to make a move?
All I am is a servant, working hard for my fill
I gotta, gotta have my fill of freedom!

all falls into pieces

I smelled your scent, it is liberating
The flames in your eyes are burnin'
You always keep a calm posture
Even on the inside, you're on fire!

Let's take a peak in the past,
See what it's like to ride the waves
We can never be satisfied
and why should we fail to reconstruct?

My God, my All

Do you want to spend your life alone
Or could you try to step up and feel,
Yes, feel the fire like it's meant to be
Meant to warm you up 'till it hurts.

Have you ever had your fill of life?
Or you just felt every single pain
That brought you down, down
And you never felt what's good

Now is the time to let yourself out
Into the wonderful world,
You can just get lost in it,
Now don't be scared, He's with you.

 an uplifting message this music holds....
"what do you want to be? JUST BELIEVE."

three hearts

The full moon's got me thinkin'
maybe we should take this out
For all the world to see

should this be remembered
Or forever be forgotten?
Carry on my love...

Only the two of us know
This unspoken tragedy
Let us keep it that way..

float

If this is real, please pinch me now.
All you dd was to scare away
A curse I once had in me
Now it's our time to float.

float

If this is real, please pinch me now.
All you dd was to scare away
A curse I once had in me
Now it's our time to float.

mercurial blues

woke up this morning, felt the need to sleep more.
I didn't see you in my dreams, jus wonderin'
just wonderin if I can make us a dream
A dream come true

You don't know how I'm pulsated
You left without a warning
You cold, summer breeze.
I never wanted this, please leave.

In this world is just me.
Alone and neglected.
You can give me a cake
to chase away the blues

I may not be able to eat it,
It only gives me more sadness
For eating it shall bloat me.
Thank you for your offer.

say hi!

Everyday's a new day with you by my side
Everything'll work out if we collide
These words aren't enough for us
To realize each other's wonder

preachy

I'm not inclined to preach

and I'm not gonna teach.

Just tell me when it's okay

And I'll blow up the day.

bitter gourd

I didn't see this comin',

Why do you block my progress?

Losin' you is better than losin' myself when I'm with you.

This nsanity has got to stop .

Fly away, mister man.

I don't need you now.

full moon

I woke up this morning feeling blue
I saw your pretty face, what's new?
It's terribly beautiful, nothing's changed
Since we kissed under the full moon.

lustrous

how can you look me in the eye
when all your luster doesn't shine?
You never did care.

dreamy reality

I never thought we'd come to this,
Why did it happen so terribly?
I never knew you'd fall so hard
Frantic on your knees.

Call me the doctor,
Fix me a pill
"Coz I don't know
How this'll end

All of this seems dreamy
I can't accept it's reaity
Please sing a song
I wanna know if I'm awake

Pinch my skin, shout at me
I'm still breathing and awake

remedies for stomach bulges

I'm 20 turning 21 this September 13. This is how I'm battling with obesity. As a child, I grew up emotionally attached to food and all its danger. I was really obese I can't laugh when all the other kids laugh, I think I'm too heavy to function. I developed type one diabetes when I was eleven and got into oral medications such as glucophage 500. As I grew up, the doctor advised me to take insulin as an insulator for my swinging blood sugar levels and this has caused fat to accumulate in my stomach. Insulin is needed for our bodies to help break down glucose in our system, but I don't have that in my pancreas. Struggling with it, I tried some exercises and routine work to help balance out my weight and blood sugar levels. And now, my vision is improving, my skin looks clear and my sleeping pattern is well. I feel great!
 this is based on my own experiments and experiences as an insulin dependent person.

6 SIMPLE TRICKS to get rid of stomach bulges:

1) stay hydrated. drink 8-10 glasses of water a day for fast metabolism and to avoid "sleeping fat/sugar." you know what I mean. Green tea also helps to make the skin look younger and healthy
2) run/jog 30 mins. a day. It doesn't matter whether you jog at the park or run on the treadmill or do jump rope, as long as your heart pumps fast, making your blood circulation good.
3) sleep for 8 hours a day. Never miss out on this energy boosting/mind relaxing activity.
4) cut down on oily food. Fried chicken is fine, but limit it to twice a week only. Choose the breast when you eat fried chicken. later on, I'll be posting some recipes for chicken that's like fried chicken, but it's an alternative.
5) add oats and fiber to your diet. This not only sucks up stored fats in our intestines, but it improves our metabolism.
6) pat yourself on the back for doing these things everyday. congratulate yourselves. We are worth it. We deserve to enjoy life and be healthy while enjoying it.

born again. A rebirth of Noelle

Your precious light is shining, I can't help it.
All I could do is stare...
Your selfless love is showing, I can't cover.
All I can do is share...

amy winehouse is dead.

my all time favorite musician is dead at twenty seven. I can cry tears of rage and anger towards her for continuing drug use and not be rehabilitated.

Morning sweeping

So this is another rainy day---literally. My face seem to show no recognition of the happenings around-because all I am now is a home buddy on weekends, no English tutorial for Koreans. We've just trained for a week and this coming Tuesday is our starting day to tutor. or shall I say teach basic English.
I'm now grounded and it feels like I'm alive and living again.
My gratefulness can't be spoken, just felt by the people around. I'm practicing receptivity as much as I can and not repel the blessings that's coming into my life right now.

''flawed perfectly'

I dissolved you in my own tears
To fearlessly identify my own.
I need not look at you to know
Who I am, what I hide beneath.

These locks of hair are staying,
like my innocent heart, yet brave.
Purposefully, don't try to fight
'Cause there isn't anyone stronger.

 this is Joss Stone, one of the soulful artists I like listening to.

may 28, 2011 - 3 yrs. and 7 mos. sober

at twenty, my mind loses its rhythm.

at nineteen, i'm boiled to perfection

and at eighteen, I'm in the real world.

My head feels so bombarded, I cry.

 nobody's perfect. by Jessie J.

save the world(4 minutes)

I just left home for the sake of being engaged
in something bigger than my own principles
Of entangled changing paces, freedom come!
Maybe being a little restless helps me live.

And start fresh beginnings, and lose the past
for all we know, it just boils us and haunts
But feeling the pains of it keeps us grounded
Forcefully living in the present, without fear.

Climbing these stones shall bring prosperity
In the coming moments of this earthly life.
Getting trapped in the moment will fail us,
all we have to do is to live with it, RISE!

the time has come to be beneficial of life-
It's own bounty, gifts and resources to be,
We shall use it for our own good, own time,
Which will soon be lost if we don't take a bite.

here by my side

if these walls create humility, let's just box ourselves in

But if they just create troubling questions 

let us break out, venture out into the unknown

and experience all life's beautiful takings

From this moment on, this light will shine 

in our hearts, minds and bodies, ever blinding

So as to conquer all that has been unresting

and decide to uncover sweet maladies

I don't know what to do with my own hands. I am now stuck in front of this computer and there's nothing else to do but to publish a blog entry.
Been eating junk food the whole day and swallowing up a pride that keeps on showing itself to many...
been stupidly happy and don't know how to control it. I have a house to stay inside, I know I have a place in this world other than my comfort zone...

abducted

I broke the chain
and now I'm blushing.
We were intertwined
But now we fly away.

Is this the hurtful phase?
A fearful panic that heals?
Maybe all this will end
Soon, maybe tomorrow.

abducted

I broke the chain
and now I'm blushing.
We were intertwined
But now we fly away.

Is this the hurtful phase?
A fearful panic that heals?
Maybe all this will end
Soon, maybe tomorrow.

red tea

pull the trigger, now I'm flushed
state your point, now I'm stuck.
there's only one way out,
but to pass by is a chore.

we get to the end of the rainbow
by walking through rough edges,
slowly burning our tired feet
and procrastinating self-love

control freak

as the morning comes, we rise
and as we rise, we falter
why? so that our vanity flow

working progress

A light touch on the surface
Is a distinct outburst of fate
A playground of future's gift
And a lingering fixed aroma

Oh you came untouched
Smelling like innocence
As a result of youth's bliss
Ever so blunt, unspoiled.

Let's come out of darkness
And let the LIGHT inside
Please don't hesitate this,
The time is just about us.

We'll never learn flying
If we don't drown first
In a pit of painful sorrow
Even cunning than you

morning malady

I didn't see this light shining

until you refuse to cover it up

With shameful vows and lies

I'd never knew you'd possess

but sometimes it shoots out

Into the open wounds to kill

whatever was blocking 'growth'

and fights to kill some more.

I almost came into oblivion

As I thought about the past,

carefully stealing away 

Promises for the 'coming'

"Never" is a failing consumer

Of a faith standing strong

so will you come undone?

Without fear of regret, 'BE."

I am writing this to pass my time while waiting for April 26 to come--it is the day I shall be trained for working at a local call center here in Pampanga.

broke

make me a portrait and die,
steal some money and fly
we all get a little crazy
why waste preious time?

abnormal REMEDY

the stars have aligned and they say it's you

You who should I be with entirely, readily.

Surrender to this sweet sacrifice is tragic

Maybe this effort to control our own wills

Is actually a sign of freedom to eternity,

A destination for souls daring to trust.

Feel the summer heat and sink into

skins of mortals whenever free, just free.

No man can ever close itself to humanity.

It is his his abode of growth and change

Whenever it needs distant care, it clings

To the world's pride and prejudices,

Ever so consuming like a fire.

A fire is what this love has become.

You come to me as a ghastly image, at times an apparition so intense, it melts my COLD HEART into perfect oblivion... 
:::Now I'm another ex girlfriend on your list, but I shoulda thought of that before we kissed.


We never made a pact, no union is present,
but subconsciously you revealed my inner self,
My distinct personality that once vanished
And I thank you, I love you,.,,

liz taylor

In death, as in life, it is her eyes that haunt.

Elizabeth TaylorEverett Collection

After Hollywood's grande dame Elizabeth Taylorpassed away, people paid their online respects, searching out her biography, baby pictures, good works (AIDS foundation), her relationships both familial (children, Richard Burton) and famous (Michael Jackson, Andy Warhol). Yet most unique were those eyes, and people wanted another look into them as they sought out "elizabeth taylor eyes," "elizabeth taylor violet eyes pictures," and "elizabeth taylor's eye close up."

Could someone's eyes truly be purple? If photos or her namesake perfume -- Violet Eyes, which debuted just last spring -- weren't proof enough, eyewitness accounts certainly testify to those riveting orbs. A remembrance by Hollywood Reporter film critic Todd McCarthyrecalled a meeting in the 1970s, when the actress had essentially retired from the big screen. "What should abruptly stop me in my tracks," he wrote, "but a pair of eyes unlike I've ever beheld, before or since; deep violet eyes of a sort withheld from ordinary mortals that were suddenly looking up into mine from mere inches away."

David Stratton, a film critic for the Australian, also swooned in a 1973 encounter following a festival premiere of her movie "Night Watch": "I was ushered into her presence at the official reception and found myself transfixed by her famous violet eyes. I have never seen eyes of that color before or since and I don't believe cinemagoers were able to appreciate how remarkable they were."

Eye of the Beholder

Violet is indeed a rarity, more so than green eyes, although theories as to what makes them purple vary. Color, of course, is determined by how much melanin pigment the eye has and, toget really scientific, those variations in single nucleotide polymorphisms (thankfully shortened to SNPS) near the OCA2 gene, which are responsible for the color of eyes, hair, and skin. Then again, the simplest explanation would be the same one her doctor gave her mother when describing baby Elizabeth's double row of eyelashes: a "mutation," according to the 1996 book Elizabeth.

Those eyes inspired longing, envy, and a few beauty products: Chicago optical company Wesley-Jensen created violet contact lenses in the 1980s. Before their debut, a W-J spokesperson toldThe New York Times, "pictures of Elizabeth Taylor are pasted all over our R&D lab." A California ocularist, one of the few in the world to create artificial eyeballs, fulfilled one patient's request for "Elizabeth Taylor eyes."

If you wondered what the scent of violet eyes might be, that would be "light shades of purple rose and violet peony, combined with velvety accents of white peach" with a "voluptuous blend of cedar wood and amber [to] convey the power, sensuality, and mystery of Elizabeth Taylor's eyes."

manic depressive

I'm awake and unsoiled, I'm just pretending to be DRUNK AND MENTALLY CHALLENGED to be understood! God help me...

BORED -----this way.

If you're only using me to feed your fantasy, 

You're really not in love so LET ME GO I must be free... 

Free to do things I wanna do.

 I will love you whoever you are...

Please stop the world 'coz it 

Keeps turnin', Yes I sing this to You, my Higher Power

Get ready for the ride!

'Coz it's going to be rocky.

SUITORS WON'T SUIT ME

AND 'FLY-BIES' CAN'T CHARM ME

WHO AM I TO BE THE CAPTAIN OF MY OWN SOUL?                    

tonight's apologies

I wanna see, I wanna see your fantasy

Don't let it die, Don't let it die, tears you cry.

You can't just wait for the outcome,

We shall'nt be afraid to fall.

Tonight, we'll break out of this shell,

slowly caressing a new direction

For us to fulfill this eternity,

A stage we must all pass through

I have lots of my lola's (grandmother) dresses in my closet and I can't seem to wear the outside without people questioning if it is old or not. I think this picture from ELLE magazine made me hopeful about my dresses. They say I can sew them down and then jazz em up while adding a modernized flair to it.
this is Alexander Wang's RECREATIONAL DRESS. lovin' it...

prestige meets glamour (academy awards)

Prestige meets GLAMOUR

I cannot ERASE IT.

I blamed the postman for sending letters late,
Your tragic past haunts and makes me coil
So I give you my ears for your satisfaction
And restless imagination for tomorrow.

Please look up to the sky, see me there
While I make your life more miserable
By taking blasts of anger up in your ass
So you can come to your own senses.

Neck over ancle-exhausted from running

March 15, 2011

The darkness fades when we smile,

your refreshing laughter ignites me.

Feeling your meekness soothe

the inner turbulence that's "him."

We march on to a new day, crying

'till we drown in them, breathless

only to find our bodies rising again

up from the ground to ETERNAL BLISS.

A sorta fairytale by Tori Amos.

Wild Animals of the World

Spanish English elefante elephant jirafa giraffe cebra zebra león lion tigre tiger jaguar jaguar leopardo leopard puma puma rinoceronte rhinoceros  hipopótamo hippopotamus  mono, mico, macaco, maza, coto monkey chimpancé chimpanzee galbana, perezoso sloth iguana iguana armadillo armadillo avestruz ostrich canguro kangaroo oso bear hiena hyena foca seal morsa walrus ballena whale orco killer whale tiburón shark antílope antelope gacela gazelle Búfalo de agua water buffalo ñú wildebeest pitón python boa boa constrictor tortuga turtle mongosta mongoose cobra cobra delfín dolphin cerdo salvaje wild hog

fuckinn PERFECT

it's a disease, by the way and it is hell.

It bothers everyone and annoys me

to the point I would kill to get it out

of my system, I feel so desperate.

In this new time of catastrophe,

who would you call to bring gladness?

Master your skills, pay the bills

and strongly identify you with Earth.

Tori Amos

"Butterfly"

come back, baby.

the clouds seem so high, head feels heavy looking up,

this really nice portrait smiled to me and gave love

So I just have to make one, for gratitude's sake

and let lust shine, bring forth GLADNESS,

I spelled SUICIDE backwards, EDICIUS.

My first daughter will be named that way

'cause suicide attempt failed, so it MUST.

Trying to proclaim 'life' on its own terms.

what a joy it is to finally LIVE and experience

a world so beautiful, it gives hope to all

by providing birds that sing, water from spring

and all the essential goodness it has.

the rose, the rose is all dried up, dying.

It shall not be disturbed when it needs REST.

Even my grandmother needs rest now,

not when everybody else is busy with work.

March 08, 2011

Tuesday 

Tori Amos' spot on my blog. :D enjoy

Well, I LOVE THE WAY WE COMMUNICATE, your eyes focus on my funny lip shape. Let's hear WHAT YOU THINK OF ME NOW, but baby don't look up, the sky is falling. ♥


Your mother shows up in a nasty dress. It's your turn now to stand where I stand. Everybody lookin' at you here, take hold of my hand. Yeah I can hear them.


But what if I'm a MERMAID in these jeans of yours with her name still on it. Hey but I don't care 'cause sometimes, I say sometimes I hear my voice... And it's been years...

...Silent all these years.

magic afternoon

this afternoon at SM Clark fountain, a long haired guy with tattoos just came up to me and planted a seed on me. This seed was the seed of a challenging business matter. He played his cards right- and I mean right. He played David Blaine for an afternoon and got me entertained, but wait, here comes the 'peak.' He then went inside my brain to test if he can hook me up and do things, but i caME UP with this ultra sensitive conversation having him admit he is already MARRIEd and we can't have xes. 

It was enjoyable though. My teenage appeal didn't make him realize that i have the brain of a thirty year old. :D

heaven left two minutes ago

A heart to heart talk is simply what is needed
To bring into fruitition a lust for productive comings
And a sensible PRIDE if we must name it
Is a true booster for this incapable flower.

please sir render

so this GATHERING is also a feast

waiting to connect troubled souls

in a cycle forbidden yet sacrificial.

who was at their best? the blessed.

We are all made of squeezed suicide

waiting for release in the coming "time"

So true, it suffocates dearly beloveds 

In this triangular break of "surrender"

stuckings-entries on my notepad.

A pen on my hand and thoughts full of "try hards" and what ifs?" a second guess, a fat desire.
The life lost is a new creature born to make way for another.
The ever *consuming fire is now alive in each and every one of us, ready to stimulate those cold hearts.
With each new day comes a threatening feeling, acute.
The older, the better.
The fresher, the more vulnerable.
Come, all ye faithful.

October 25, 2010

just, unjust.

A dazzling FACE passing through a PHASE

Making a PENNY

The day is spent with sisters Timi and Chaki strolling, shopping for BAGS


 October 25, 2010

"Into a can"

the stalls are too structured,

your wall is a massive block

no, I won't sustain your alibi

'ven if my gown turns into a frock.

seeing you terribly close to misuse

is like freeing myself from phantoms

overlooking your promise is pain

sacrificial as a virgin, sleeps in atoms

could our minds lead to a path

unseen but free from sin?

the luster of your shining smile

I can't throw away into the bin.

is this a call to wear my hard shell?

maybe you can help me out

by deeply going in a diverse state

foolish I am without a doubt.

acting this feeling out won't be

as possible as staying fresh

sudden bursts of blownup humor

cuts down the bleeding flesh.

March 01, 2011

facebook.com, myspace.com

drugged Queen

noellefides@yahoo.com The only difference between us is our pace. You rush through your own road while i'm in a constant steady procrastination Sir you are a perfect tragedy I am but a carefree worrier You rely on good traits, make a life outta them and i see all the defects, even indulge on them no matter how feasible this is, questions always ring and from time to time, only broken pieces'll bring fruit on our table and delight, yes it is a fable.   Feb. 28, 2011

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